duminică, 27 noiembrie 2011

Straight to the heart

Chapter nine: 
    "The thing about addiction is, it never ends well. Because eventually, whatever it is that was getting us high, stops feeling good, and starts to hurt. Still, they say you don't kick the habit until you hit rock bottom. But how do you know when you are there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes, letting it go hurts even worse."

I took a leap of faith, I know, but the universe took me by surprise...
Not so long ago I was sitting in my room, alone, in my chair in front of the window and I was staring in void and thinking about my life, about where, how and when I screwed up...My eyesight became blurry, I realized I was alone and disappointed...but I promised myself something so, I couldn't run, I couldn't hide, I had to face the facts and the consequences of my past actions! I knew what I needed, I knew what I had to do...Suddenly I felt my cheeks wet...tears were bursting from my eyes. I went to the bathroom to wash my face...I felt the cold water flooding my pores...when I lifted my face from my palms and looked straight ahead I saw my reflection in the mirror...I looked awful, I didn't know the person that stared back at me...at least, I didn't want to get to know her. My world was falling apart and I was in the middle...After an awful week came a pretty hard and miserable weekend......I can still remember that Sunday afternoon, I was with Easy D at my place, we were getting ready to go out and visit a friend. On the way to our friend's work we got into a fight and she decided to return back home...I was alone and pretty pissed waiting for the 301 bus...eventually the bus arrived, I got on it and to my surprise I found a wallet on a seat...one wallet that turned my world upside down! I studied the content of the wallet and when I arrived to my friends work I asked him to help me get in touch with the owner of the wallet so I can return it. The owner was a foreign student that stayed in the dorms, so I found out the phone number of the dorm administrator and Monday morning I called him. He told me I just missed the guy so I left my info and hang up the phone. I remember seeing some credit cards in the wallet so I called my bank representative and asked him to put an alert on his accounts. After half an hour my phone rang...it was him. I answered the phone, not knowing that one good deed can bring so many things with it...good and bad! We met in the town, A. came along with his friend W. I was glad I was able to make A. smile! He insisted to buy me a coffee...so we went into a bar. I got to know A. and W. over that coffee but I had no idea what will happen after a few minutes! Everything was nice, we were enjoying ourselves talking about all kinds of things...I was telling them how I found the wallet...sometime after I finished my story W.'s phone rang and he told us his cousin was coming.
I can still remember one moment like it happened yesterday...I took a sip of coffee and after I laid the cup down on the table, I looked up...I saw JohnDoes eyes...it was electrifying. I couldn't breathe..and to my surprise he stopped at our table! He was the boy that had to arrive...W.'s cousin! In that moment my heart stood still, my system was shutting down, I felt numb, I couldn't move or think...And then we touched and it was like an epi shot straight to the heart, it revived me! That was how JohnDoe made me feel in just a couple of minutes...that was it, that day I've become an addict.......

"Love is a form of addiction...and addiction is something I should know something about."

End of part nine


sâmbătă, 26 noiembrie 2011


"Si te iubesc cu mila si cu groaza
Tot ce-i al tau mi se cuvine mie

Mi-e dor de tine si iti caut chipul
In fiecare margine a firii"

Easy come...easy go

Chapter eight:
"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions."

After my incredible time with Mr. Yummy I spend some time alone. I slowed down for a while, started thinking about love and monogamous relationships. I remember thinking about it...how every night I was laying my head on the pillow, staring in void, dreaming about a man that loves me for who and what I am, about a true and sincere relationship. Well that started to be depressing so in no time I found myself back by the side of Mr. Horny...He was a drug for me, the morphine I needed in those times. I was addicted, it was clear as daylight! When I was staring in his eyes I felt safe, loved and appreciated. Like I told you in chapter four, I knew I was in love with him, but I also knew that he couldn't be mine. Those were my final months by his side. I knew things would change, but I didn't expect that result!

In the meantime it looked like I was starting a friendship with an old acquaintance. We first met five years ago at his workplace but since then we didn't get the opportunity to get to know each other properly. 
We talked on the phone several times, and then we exchanged IDs and started to talk on the messenger. I was having fun, real, good, extremely needed fun! I was enjoying myself, and I decided to ask him over for drinks. That night I felt a bunch of butterflies in my stomach, a feeling that I almost forgot about. It was fresh, wild and dazzling. My appetite was growing, I couldn't get enough, so I asked for more... Nights passed by and I was lost in his arms. Mr. Wild was what I needed, when I needed, almost how I needed! He raised some darn good questions for a few nights in a row, but that nearly drove me crazy...
My appetite was higher then ever and I wanted more but the problem was I could have Mr. Wild only at night...So, for one day I decided to invite Mr. Horny over, so we can raise some questions together...
In that period my brain was functioning after a really good quote: 

~~~~~~~~~~"Women are for friendships, men are for fucking."~~~~~~~~~~
Eventually those days were behind me but that damn answer still haunted me! I was deserving it, I knew from the start I was deceiving myself, but it was my choice...I made my bed so I had to lay in it! I was praying I can make it with shreds and pieces...but I couldn't...I decided to put an end to my relationship with Mr. Horny and as for my relationship with Mr. Wild it deteriorated on its own. 

And after everything...I took a leap of faith...

"There are four questions of value in life...What is sacred?...Of what is the spirit made?... What is worth living for....What is worth dying for?......The answer to each is the same...Only love."

 End of part eight


sâmbătă, 12 noiembrie 2011

TyDi - World's Apart (feat. Audrey Gallagher)

...Oh how did it come to this, am I still breathing / Blind faith and a silent kiss and I'm still reeling / Hope echoing through my heart and I know this feeling / We'll take it back to the start and be done dealing... / Please don't break my heart / You gold all it's pieces, never let it fall apart / Oh, you said it all, we lose sense of reason every time we seem to fall... / One look and the world stands still but the sky's falling / One word and we both begin to accept ending / Hope crashing into your arms but still, I'm dreaming / One room but still worlds apart and there's no healing... / Please don't break my heart / You hold all it's pieces, never let it fall apart...

luni, 7 noiembrie 2011

The agony and the s_experience

Chapter seven

"Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all we can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do we keep from drowning in it?"

That was a stressful question for me, after my chapter six -aka Mr. Cocky-, but I couldn't really find the answer...or I didn't wanna, I was in denial, afraid of reality, 'cause reality sucked at that moment. Like I said, after breaking up with Mr. Cocky I found myself in the arms of Mr. Horny and, well, he helped me forget all about my broken heart. When I was with him I never felt alone, or sad, or misunderstood, he made me laugh, smile, he made me feel warm inside...but after some months things got out of balance and, like many times before, we had a fight and it got kinda cold between us throughout the summer. I kept myself busy with work, I wanted to disconnect from life and love problems; but I realized that eventually they will pile up and break me into pieces, so I started to solve them, bit by bit, peace by peace and I was beginning to make peace with myself. 
It took me some time to solve all my issues but at the end I was at peace with everything I'd been through. I started to smile again...it was nice, life was pretty good, that was until Mr. Cocky reappeared into the scene...We got to become friends with benefits...and a couple of months passed and he told me he was leaving the city...He wanted to see me before he went away, and that night when I saw his face I just couldn't deny the feeling I had at the thought of him leaving...I knew right then and there that it will be the last time I will see him...still, in spite of that we had a great night together, we had our goodbye! After I left his apartment I felt I left something behind, I felt like a chapter of my life came to an end...and I was right, Mr. Cocky was, from that point on, part of my past.

 After that month I met someone at work...a very hot, yummy, interesting, funny, charming man...He flirted with me, and left me his info. We got to talk that day and he invited me out to coffee...It was a nice first date. He looked awesome, had a great smile, big beautiful brown eyes...he was to good to be true. I mean, good looking, smart, perfect job...I remember asking myself: "why is he free, what girl in her right mind would let go of him...?" The next date was between us and his bed...I had been satisfied in every way you can be satisfied! It was brilliant and mind blowing...and after that night came others...and I couldn't get enough...I was single...and I was loving it...I loved him on top of me. I called him Mr. Yummy! He is that kind of man that has to be tasted and enjoyed, like a good old perfect wine, but after that you have to let him go free, it's like an unwritten rule of sorority, so other women can have a piece of his yumminess!! 

                                                  "Every once in a while, a girl has to indulge herself!"

End of part seven


joi, 3 noiembrie 2011

Cafeaua de dimineata

Neata...m-am ridicat din pat si m-am uitat pe geam...brrrr, frig si urat! Macar nu ploua, asta e bine. Trebuie sa ma echipez, azi i-au cafeaua in oras cu un foarte bun prieten, Ursu i se spune...
Trebuie sa imi fac curaj, am scos nasul pe fereastra si mi-a inghetat deja...uff, toamna asta s-a suparat rau pe soare, nu prea mai au tangente. Termin tigarea si trebuie sa ma echipez, mi-a promis Ursu ca ma bate daca intarzii :)))

Sa aveti o zi frumoasa