duminică, 8 ianuarie 2012

Love, Hope and Loss

Chapter eleven:
"The human body is designed to compensate for loss, it adapts, so it no longer needs the things that it can't have. But sometimes the loss is too great and the body can't compensate on its own..."
I can't manage to forget you, falling in love does change everything. A few days ago was your birthday and I really missed you, I tried to stay busy with the New Year's party and everything so I wont think about you that much but that got me an extremely bad hangover the next day, like Hangover III bad!!!
Even though we don't speak the same language it seemed we understand each other. Or maybe you were just faking it in order to get what you wanted. Maybe you're just a charmer and you enjoy bringing someone into your illusions...maybe that helps you cope with the distance and the time you have to spend here...I know without a doubt that your eyes didn't lie, maybe your mouth lied but the eyes don't know how to lie! Last night I dreamed about you, I didn't dream about you for quite some time...last night's dream was bittersweet! I knew I was dreaming and that the dream will end when I'll wake up, but I didn't want to let you go, didn't want to wake up, I wanted to keep dreaming...
They say that after a loss you may experience all kinds of difficult and surprising emotions, such as sadness, anger, and guilt. Well, there is no right or wrong way to deal with loss but there are ways to cope with the pain.
My way to deal with the pain is facing the "stimuli", whatever or whoever they may be!
I can't function if I try to sweep the "dirt" under the carpet or if I'll just ignore the facts and try to keep myself busy with work. Like the lyrics of this song say:
"..I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose/Fire away, Fire away/Ricochet, you take your aim/Fire away, Fire away/You shoot me down but I won't fall/I am titanium...
I want to understand but more importantly I need to understand things in order for me to function properly. I still remember that day you promised me you'll explain your thoughts and reasons, and I still am hoping you'll tell me those things. You said you always like telling the truth even though sometimes the truth hurts! Well, where is your principal now? I really can deal with the pain but I can't deal with not knowing the truth, even if that truth isn't what I would like it to be, it doesn't matter! It wont hurt this freaking much, believe me!
I feel like I met a man that had Alex Hitchens, aka Hitch, as his professional "date doctor"/relationship guru. Everyone heard of Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel...well Hitchens is Michelangelo of the relationships!
If I rewind things and choose just to judge your "moves", it's obvious that you've been after that "one special spice", that you've got in the end; but well, sixty percent of all human communication is nonverbal, body language, thirty percent is your tone, so that means that ninety percent of what you're saying ain't coming out of your month! And that ninety percent gave me hope, and to hope is to risk pain, but you know what they say, love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed!
"We're so hopeful at the beginning of things, it seems like there's only a world to be gained, not lost. They say the inability to accept loss is a form of insanity. It's probably true, but sometimes it's the only way to stay alive."
End of part eleven


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